tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
