Me. At least after what I've been through.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
