He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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