I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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