you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
