ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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