Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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