Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
