i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
