Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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