this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
