apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
