Hey man sorry I got all grabby
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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