Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
