she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
