this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
