There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
