We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
