I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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