Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Randomize
