I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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