hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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