My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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