I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
