You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
