I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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