how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
