it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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