he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just forgot I was standing up.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
