I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
