I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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