Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
