Three words: puerto rican gang bang
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
