the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
