I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
