So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
