i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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