She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
this beer tastes like vomit already
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
