Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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