well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
