hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
