I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
