im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
