thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
