I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize
