So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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