Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
