the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
