he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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