So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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