Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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