Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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